Background Information
20 years ago I . . .
1. was the fattest fourth grader in my class at Lakeview Elementary.
2. had a best friend that would beat up anybody, including me if she didn’t get her way.
3. couldn’t concentrate in my upper level science class because I was too self conscious about being a girl.
10 years ago I . . .
1. tried for the second time in my life to commit suicide.
2. (shortly there after) met my first boyfriend who showed me that I was lovable by someone other than my family.
3. quit the job I had worked hard at for almost four years (and through most of high school) by walking out on my break one night.
5 years ago I . . .
1. was dating someone new (although that began in early 2000) after ruthlessly breaking my first boyfriend’s heart.
2. lived in a crappy two bedroom apartment near a seedy intersection of town that consisted of a run down and over-priced grocery store, a gas station with a bullet proof glass booth, a porn shop with customers that liked to cruise for hookers congregating on the sidewalks, and a disgusting bar where homeless and down-on-their-luck-but-always-drunk persons staggered in and out of all day long picking fights with one another.
3. was just beginning to contemplate my move to Oregon. Later that year, just after 9/11, I flew out to visit the University and realized this was where I needed to be.
3 years ago I . . .
1. celebrated one year of living out here by moving into a new apartment with my wonderful boyfriend of six months.
2. worked on the bulletin board committee at work (designing and executing elaborate displays) in order to find creativity in my life and in a job that seemed to be a black hole.
3. applied for admission to the University of Oregon. I was accepted in January 2004.
1 year ago I . . .
1. finally paid attention to the comments a certain fellow blogger was leaving on my other blog. I quickly found a friend. I eventually found love. I recently found pain.
2. was unknowingly embarking on a long delightful summer of countless trips around the state that produced many beautiful photographs showcasing my budding amateur talent.
3. finally broke up (for good) with my boyfriend whom I loved dearly but couldn’t continue being in a relationship because we didn’t seem to be “in love”. It’s hard to explain.
So far this year I . . .
1. started taking violin lessons for fun
2. found a counselor at school to help me overcome my procrastination (and subsequent depression)
3. lost the hope that I had to be in a relationship with two people I loved dearly.
Yesterday I . . .
1. cried for the billionth time this year.
2. realized I could no longer share all of the thoughts that I had with the person who means so much to me. And was told that this person thought I was unstable from the moment we met. I didn’t even put up a fight and tell him that he’s the one who’s made me unstable these last six months!
3. wore an outfit that made me feel sexy and realized I need to do that more often.
Today I . . .
1. started a new blog so I could continue to post but do so anonymously and without fear of what those closest to me think about my fluctuating mental state.
2. skipped my classes because I was working on a long paper about Japan.
3. bought cookies from the vending machine at work because I’m use to eating to sooth my depression. I realized I had not used the vending machines in more than two months. Of course for three weeks not so long ago, I had no appetite to speak of since I was distraught with heartache.
Tomorrow I will . . .
1. have my paper on Japan turned in. NO.MATTER. WHAT.
2. try not to worry about the pain I’m having on the right side of my chest and the lump I found.
3. find the time to clean around the house and buy the cats some new (see: EXPENSIVE!!) food so one of them stops itching so badly.
In the next year I will . . .
1. learn to play one song really well on the violin
2. have to move out of my nice apartment into a small dumpy studio close to school and wait out another six months until I can graduate so I can begin a fun filled year of an AS degree in photography.
3. have my first car finally paid off! Those six years just flew by!
1. was the fattest fourth grader in my class at Lakeview Elementary.
2. had a best friend that would beat up anybody, including me if she didn’t get her way.
3. couldn’t concentrate in my upper level science class because I was too self conscious about being a girl.
10 years ago I . . .
1. tried for the second time in my life to commit suicide.
2. (shortly there after) met my first boyfriend who showed me that I was lovable by someone other than my family.
3. quit the job I had worked hard at for almost four years (and through most of high school) by walking out on my break one night.
5 years ago I . . .
1. was dating someone new (although that began in early 2000) after ruthlessly breaking my first boyfriend’s heart.
2. lived in a crappy two bedroom apartment near a seedy intersection of town that consisted of a run down and over-priced grocery store, a gas station with a bullet proof glass booth, a porn shop with customers that liked to cruise for hookers congregating on the sidewalks, and a disgusting bar where homeless and down-on-their-luck-but-always-drunk persons staggered in and out of all day long picking fights with one another.
3. was just beginning to contemplate my move to Oregon. Later that year, just after 9/11, I flew out to visit the University and realized this was where I needed to be.
3 years ago I . . .
1. celebrated one year of living out here by moving into a new apartment with my wonderful boyfriend of six months.
2. worked on the bulletin board committee at work (designing and executing elaborate displays) in order to find creativity in my life and in a job that seemed to be a black hole.
3. applied for admission to the University of Oregon. I was accepted in January 2004.
1 year ago I . . .
1. finally paid attention to the comments a certain fellow blogger was leaving on my other blog. I quickly found a friend. I eventually found love. I recently found pain.
2. was unknowingly embarking on a long delightful summer of countless trips around the state that produced many beautiful photographs showcasing my budding amateur talent.
3. finally broke up (for good) with my boyfriend whom I loved dearly but couldn’t continue being in a relationship because we didn’t seem to be “in love”. It’s hard to explain.
So far this year I . . .
1. started taking violin lessons for fun
2. found a counselor at school to help me overcome my procrastination (and subsequent depression)
3. lost the hope that I had to be in a relationship with two people I loved dearly.
Yesterday I . . .
1. cried for the billionth time this year.
2. realized I could no longer share all of the thoughts that I had with the person who means so much to me. And was told that this person thought I was unstable from the moment we met. I didn’t even put up a fight and tell him that he’s the one who’s made me unstable these last six months!
3. wore an outfit that made me feel sexy and realized I need to do that more often.
Today I . . .
1. started a new blog so I could continue to post but do so anonymously and without fear of what those closest to me think about my fluctuating mental state.
2. skipped my classes because I was working on a long paper about Japan.
3. bought cookies from the vending machine at work because I’m use to eating to sooth my depression. I realized I had not used the vending machines in more than two months. Of course for three weeks not so long ago, I had no appetite to speak of since I was distraught with heartache.
Tomorrow I will . . .
1. have my paper on Japan turned in. NO.MATTER. WHAT.
2. try not to worry about the pain I’m having on the right side of my chest and the lump I found.
3. find the time to clean around the house and buy the cats some new (see: EXPENSIVE!!) food so one of them stops itching so badly.
In the next year I will . . .
1. learn to play one song really well on the violin
2. have to move out of my nice apartment into a small dumpy studio close to school and wait out another six months until I can graduate so I can begin a fun filled year of an AS degree in photography.
3. have my first car finally paid off! Those six years just flew by!
posted by punkindunkin at 4:50 PM
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