Figuring Out What The Real Gift Is

So Mr. Big wants to buy me a "relationship gift" which I'm guessing is just a little token of appreciation and love for having dated for two months. I'd like to think of myself as someone who is not necessarily totally above material possessions, (I like my clothes a lot because my new shape and new attitude beg to be noticed most of the time. I also love my family photographs and my music and books because without those, life becomes meaningless pretty quickly. My car is my lifeline that I take for granted), but I’d like to be know as someone who doesn't need to be constantly validated by a ton of belongings- especially those with fancy labels. I do like items of good quality and craftsmanship. And I adore homemade and handmade items (there is something special about knowing that a person has had their hands touch every inch of the item they make rather than a cold machine just programmed to spit out a duplication of something). I mostly shop at thrift stores for everything except food, toiletries, and the all important underwear. I find the things that I need and things that I want. Right now I am wearing a hand knit 100% wool sweater from Peru that I picked up for $2 at Goodwill. It was just too pretty to rip up for recycled yarn. And it keeps me warm when my bosses can’t figure out how to turn down the air conditioner here at work.

But I digress.

So I’m trying to figure out what I want him to give me. He knows that I am very picky about the clothes and jewelry that I do wear. I never buy anything unless it is just “me”. I have particular tastes and a particular style that I’d like to achieve. As progressive as I assume I am, I have to admit that I’m still distracted by shiny things- baubles and diamonds and sparkly silver ornaments- that are down right girly. And I found a shiny thing last night that gave me some pause.

There is no need to adjust your monitor; that is in fact a picture of a cross.

A week or two after Mr. Big and I started dating, he asked me if he could buy a crucifix for me to wear. I hesitated and stumbled when answering him. He threw me off guard with that offer. I think at that point he knew I was an atheist. I knew he was Catholic and I was (and still am) trying my best to understand where he’s coming from with his spirituality. It's taken me a while to realize is that no one person’s spirituality is exactly the same as another person’s. Just like we all have different physical shapes and developing minds, each person has their own tailored beliefs based on their upbringing, their experiences, and their challenges in life.

I saw this cross last night and I thought of Mr. Big. He would be proud to give it to me- there is no doubt about that. And there is no doubt that I would be proud to wear it. But a part of me worries about having to explain myself. If someone were to notice the necklace as I talk about my religious beliefs, would it suddenly destroy my credibility? Would I feel the need to clarify my gift Every. Single. Time. someone asks? Should I even care what other people think at all? No, I suppose not. But I am concerned about the message that the symbol gives to the rest of the world.

We define our language and our symbols both individually and collectively. The same item can mean one thing to one person and it can have a whole different meaning to someone else (a good example would be the tainted meaning of the original Hindu figure now known as a swastika). When we go against the “common” and “acceptable” meaning for a symbol, we risk being misunderstood, harassed, shunned or perhaps even celebrated on the other end of the spectrum. I don’t want to offend others with my personal choices. But I also don’t want to give a crap what people assume about me (usually incorrect anyhow). I don’t want to feel like a hypocrite for accepting this gift from Mr. Big. I just want to wear something that reminds me of him, of our love, his faith in me and us as a couple. That’s what the cross would symbolize to me. For him, it would have that added spiritual significance. And I’m okay with that (I’ve been okay with listening to him talk about his spiritual convictions, I sit quietly and wait for him to pray before we eat, I’ve offered to go to Church with him—I’m learning to be as tolerant and open as possible because he means so much to me). I don’t have to believe everything that he believes. I don’t have to find faith in his religion. I only need to find faith in us. I think that would be the gift I’m looking for. If this necklace helps me achieve that, why shouldn’t I be proud to ask for it?