Still Hanging Around

Still here.
Both of us are still here.
Miraculously.

It frightens me so to have someone look at me, really look at me and all my ridiculous flaws and somehow still accept me and gasp!, even love me. I've come through one storm and found that he's still here, on the other side under blue skies.

With him here, I'm suddenly facing my issues rather than running away from them. I still try to run, but I always run smack into him and he makes me turn around and go do the things I'd rather put off. Getting bills paid, chores done, learning to show up on time, organize, plan...

It's exhausting.

And I assumed that he wouldn't want to be around that no matter how good I make him feel. But he hasn't left, yet.

God, there's always that YET in there, isn't there?

Can't I just for once leave the fucking yet off of a damn sentence of mine?

I was in a sub shop today and the woman at the register complimented me on my hair. There's something about the color that everyone seems to like. She asked me a few questions and that was that. I was having a not-so-great hair day so her comments flew right on by. Outside, I said out loud that she failed to mention to me that my hair was like straw- on certain days, no amount of bouncy mousse is going to get my funky hair to frame my face just so. ABOYNAMEDSUE says to me, "Hey great way to turn a positive into a negative just now." I am the damn queen at that game.

I can beat the positive out of any situation. The problem is, once I've seen what I've done, I madly regret it. Self-fullfilling prophecy should be my middle name.