CAUTION: A Lifetime of Hangups Just Ahead To Your Left (Can Sir Mix-A-Lot Counteract Any Of It?)

Two months after my heart was brutally destroyed and rendered useless (or so I thought), I met someone. And this someone is truly amazing. Handsome, smart, funny, smooth, and incredibly sexy with a body that makes me drool uncontrollably, this man is just about any heterosexual woman’s *ahem* (wet) dream come true.

So what’s the problem, you may ask?

For some strange reason, he likes me.

I’m skeptical- Extremely skeptical. I know I say this all the time, and I mean it all the time but this guy is really out of my league. Way, WAY out of my league. Like Babe Ruth’s bat cracking the ball way out of Sportsman’s Park and across the street out of my league. Know what I’m saying?



What does a gorgeous, single, young, handsome, track running, muscle-defined man with long, luscious limbs, and a smile that could melt a girl’s heart want with me? Out of all the single women on campus, why pick me?

My galaxy quest guys (you know- the censors within everyone’s heads) are having a field day with this one. They are debating this old school style with white wigs, coat tails and gavels (they can be so dramatic when they want to be) I keep mulling it over and over as each new hang-up comes bubbling up to the surface.

He’s already reassured me a bazillion times on our two dates this past weekend how much he likes me and how attractive he finds me. He tells me that back East, brothers like their girls thick. Wha-Wha-Wha-What?!?! Come again? You mean to tell me that there’s a whole gaggle of men out there that aren’t into the Barbie dolls? And I haven’t been paying attention? I’ve got some hard core bruises from kicking myself so hard.

Still…

He’s extremely affectionate towards me. The personal space invasion began the very minute our first date started when he asked me to hold his arm old school style and accompany him in the rain (everyone say awww…) And it ended with some serious cuddle time on the couch on our second date. Actually, it didn't end at all. He had to see me today for a school project we're working on together and let me tell you that if we're not careful, we might just find every quiet nook and cranny of Knight Library.

Yet…

I'm really nervous here. And I and the galaxy quest guys can't quite pinpoint why. I know that he throws me way off balance. I can't even flirt effectively. He calls me out on anything I attempt (Um, I usually have the raised eyebrow and sexy gaze trick locked down... but he makes me too giddy to even try it). I'm nervous around a body in such good shape that I just want my flabby limbs to shrink up and die. He sure is something else. And he talks about wanting to have a relationship. Perhaps that’s part of the problem too. I’m not really ready for a relationship right now. Intimate relations- sure, who wouldn’t pass that up? But an actual honest-to-God relationship? After all I’ve been through? I don’t know. I still feel a little shell-shocked. But I don’t want hurt him and I don’t want to ruin anything that could potentially happen. My usual thing is to jump right into a hot and heavy relationship with someone, see them exclusively while I let the rest of the world rot all around me outside of our protective coupledom bubble, and then dump the poor guy two or three years later when I realize that I’m not happy. I tend to blame the lack of happiness on the guy too. Bad, Bad, Punkin! I’m ready for a change here. I’m ready to break free of my hang-ups and my binding cocoon and just step outside of my comfort zone for good. And he’s offering me that chance. Is that the Universe offering me an unrealized gift again?

I don’t know for sure.

But tonight I'm just gonna kick it back with Sir Mix-A-Lot and thank my lucky stars for the guys who like skinny waists and big butts. Just where have they been all my life?!?

I'm tired of magazines
Sayin' flat butts are the thing
Take the average black man and ask him that
She gotta pack much back
So, fellas! (Yeah!) Fellas! (Yeah!)
Has your girlfriend got the butt? (Hell yeah!)
Tell 'em to shake it! (Shake it!) Shake it! (Shake it!)
Shake that healthy butt!
Baby got back!

So Cosmo says you're fat
Well I ain't down with that!
'Cause your waist is small and your curves are kickin'
And I'm thinkin' bout stickin'
To the beanpole dames in the magazines:
You ain't it, Miss Thing!

Baby got back!