Clarification
VeganKid mentioned that many people didn't actually talk about sex for the recent blog carnival:
Lord knows I'm not ready!
I can't stand the sight of my own body. I don't like being physical with someone unless we're in the dark or I'm covered up under a blanket. I have a hard time relaxing and getting in the mood because I'm constantly worried about what he'll think of body part X or Y or the massive scar that I despise so much. I don't like being naked around anyone- including myself. I can't stand the full length mirrors on the closet doors in my room because I don't want to get turned off during the actual act of lovemaking.
I can't handle my fucking body.
And it's screwing with my love life.
In the last year, due to losing weight and meeting men who are far less inhibited then myself, I find that I'm coming face to face with things I'd rather keep hidden. I have to confront the fact that a potential partner may be comfortable walking around the house naked and I can only come so far wrapped up in my big blue towel. I must face the possibility that there are certain positions I will be asked to be in that reveal way more skin than I want to show. I've had moments where my lover physically moves my hands away from my body and I am so ashamed that I want to cry.
I'm doing the best that I can and regardless of what I write here, I have made some serious strides in coming to terms with my body. I only hope that it's enough each time I get intimate. And I hope that my partner understands and does his best to nurture me and encourage me to find that acceptance with myself that I long for.
"As you may remember, i asked folks to talk about sex. Well, i got what i asked for. What i found interesting, however, is that most folks talked about theoretical notions of sexiness and beauty but not the actual act of sex. Are we not ready yet to place our bodies into physical context? Perhaps we simply have not done enough collective work yet to heal ourselves from the trauma associated with sex. And if there was ever an area of our lives that needed some serious healing attention, its sex."
Lord knows I'm not ready!
I can't stand the sight of my own body. I don't like being physical with someone unless we're in the dark or I'm covered up under a blanket. I have a hard time relaxing and getting in the mood because I'm constantly worried about what he'll think of body part X or Y or the massive scar that I despise so much. I don't like being naked around anyone- including myself. I can't stand the full length mirrors on the closet doors in my room because I don't want to get turned off during the actual act of lovemaking.
I can't handle my fucking body.
And it's screwing with my love life.
In the last year, due to losing weight and meeting men who are far less inhibited then myself, I find that I'm coming face to face with things I'd rather keep hidden. I have to confront the fact that a potential partner may be comfortable walking around the house naked and I can only come so far wrapped up in my big blue towel. I must face the possibility that there are certain positions I will be asked to be in that reveal way more skin than I want to show. I've had moments where my lover physically moves my hands away from my body and I am so ashamed that I want to cry.I'm doing the best that I can and regardless of what I write here, I have made some serious strides in coming to terms with my body. I only hope that it's enough each time I get intimate. And I hope that my partner understands and does his best to nurture me and encourage me to find that acceptance with myself that I long for.
posted by punkindunkin at 9:30 AM
2 Comments:
Wow! I really like the way you express yourself. The Sex and the Fat Girl post was also great. It is like reading my own thoughts only these are clear, expressive, and effective.
trust me, i certainly understand why so many of us don't talk about the physical act of sex. there's a lot of shit there that has to be dealt with. and this notion of sexual liberation without focusing on that baggage is just plain messed up (not to mention short-sighted and often self-centered).
i really love the openess and honesty with which you write. its refreshing. to be honest, its so sad and angering to hear all of our commonalities. i think it was yesterday that skyscraper commented on my last Big Fat Carnival post talking about the desire to dance naked - to love my body. Sky posed a very good question that i hope will be discussed more in the near future: how? How do we get to that point of loving every inch of ourselves? How do we push upstream in such high waters? How? Its a short question with a long answer, isn't it? Anyway, i'm really glad that you submitted to the carnival, cuz now i have yet another wonderful blog to read:)
Post a Comment
<< Home