The Double Standard

So we've only been going out a little while. And already hints and jokes at marriage and babies have come up in our conversations. But I must point out that I have never been the one to openly joke about either topic or initiate a conversation surrounding "The Future". On Sunday, yet another mention of a baby came up and I stewed on it for a couple of hours before I came out and asked him what he wanted from his life and where he saw himself in the next few years. His responses were candid and honest and I respect him for everything that he says.

Last night he called me Mrs. _____.

"Doesn't that sound really good?" He asks. I giggle and say its not fair and he shouldn't play around with me like that.

"But damn, it sounds really good! Mrs. Punkin _____. Or what about Mrs. Punkin Dunkin-_____. It sounds so professional when you put them together."

My outwardly response: "Ha-ha-ha. Don't do this to me sweetie! It's not fair! You can't do this to a girl. We don't like to be played with!" Inside, I'm fighting the urge to cry me some seriously happy tears or get a little moody with him. The galaxy quest guys are buzzing around my brain trying to interpret this latest round of weirdness and we all are having a hard time comprehending the implications.

"I'm not playing, Mrs. _____"

Sigh.

There is such a double standard when it comes to discussing marriage with a dating partner. I think women are not allowed to open their mouths at all for fear that we are moving too fast or appearing as if our biological clocks are ticking too loudly. But it seems like the man can say whatever is on his mind at the moment without any fear of what his partner's response will be.

I've experienced this before- especially at the beginning of a relationship. I've had my heart toyed with and been told all sorts of things about what "The Future" could be like. My partners don't do it to get me in bed, nor do they do it to mess with me. They are just being honest at that very moment based on the euphoric feelings they are getting when we're together. I can understand that. But if I'm not careful, I let myself start to think the same things. What would it be like to be married? What would the baby look like? Where would we retire? I can let my fantasy run completely wild.

But I don't. It's too painful to start planning out a future that is as uncertain as the weather. It's not healthy to imagine what the rest of my life will be like with someone I've only begun to get to know. I need to protect my bruised heart and this is how I choose to do it. I try to live one day at a time and not worry about anything beyond a few weeks. My little heart just can't take much more than that.