Things I learned:

1.I’m not blameless but it wasn’t my entire fault.

2.I will never be completely free of the anger. I just need to learn how to manage and channel it so I don’t hurt people. Even if they hurt me.

3.Just because someone says they love you, it doesn’t mean they really do. Actions speak louder than words.

4.I’m gonna be just fine. I am happier now than I have been at anytime this year.

5.Don’t jump into a new relationship with a broken heart.

6.Don’t jump into a new relationship with clinical depression.

7.Stand up and learn to speak for myself from the beginning, not just when the newness of the relationship starts to wear off.

8.Listen to the alarm bells. Even if I don’t leave, be cautious and don’t fall for someone just because they are charming.

9.Just because I’m at my skinniest adult weight ever, doesn’t mean I won’t continue to have problems- including relationship ones.

10.Say ‘I love you’ even if I am mad at the person. They don’t deserve me withholding that word regardless of what’s going on.

11.In this day and age, people have become more impersonal and distant with the technological advancements of email, cell phones, and text messages. It is a priority to me and it signals someone’s respect for me that they talk to me by phone at the very least but in the person is the best way for me to work through issues. If someone refuses to do so, I should not bow to them. Demanding respect in this manner means that I respect myself.

12.If the person does not encourage, respect and find aspects of my life interesting (music, art, school assignments, opinions), they probably aren’t very good for me in the end.

13.Communication is a two-way street and one person’s willingness doesn’t go very far with the other one’s reluctance or denial to work through issues. One oar in the boat is only going to turn the boat in circles.

14.I can’t get through my day if I’m not “right” with people I’m close to. I need to resolve issues as soon as possible or at least know that I will be given the opportunity to discuss them later on. I am not an avoider and I think that’s a good thing.

15.Thoughtfulness goes a long way. And even though I can be very thoughtful, I also expect that in return. If it’s not happening to the same or similar degree, I will feel used. If it happens constantly, I will know that I am being used.

16.Do not wait around even if the other person expects me to. Live my life normally and do not worry about always being available. If the person loves me enough, they will make time for me and I will make time for them but we won’t be demanding on each other and we won’t ignore each other. We will work to find a balance for each other.

17.I can’t save him even if I think he needs it.

18. Continue to love even if it doesn't work out. I don't have an obligation to be friends with someone that makes me unhappy. I don't have an obligation to like them. But I will always acknowledge my love for them because that's the right thing to do.

Many of these things on this list should be intuitive to me, and for most of my life they have been. I am not a bad person and I am not a victim just because of this negative experience. Things happen for a variety of reasons. I do not have a pattern of denying myself just to be around and/or to make someone else happy. I will not make that mistake again. I am worth much more and that other person better damn well figure it out.