time to admit it

I ain't gonna lie. I am hungry this morning. My body is bouncing back from the last couple weeks with the breakup & midterms and she wants food NOW. I had a huge stomach ache on my way to work this morning since there was nothing in it. I've noticed in the last 24 hours that I'm craving more sweets (all of a sudden my pantry is filled with milano cookies, pecan lover’s poppycock, and rice pudding. I was even tempted by the huge trays of cupcakes at the grocery store). I'm glad it's Halloween. It gives me an excuse to eat a more substantial meal and a sinful dessert under the guise that it's now officially the holiday season. If I can stay under 200 through the New Year, I'll consider that a success. But I have a couple extra reasons to celebrate this season. The number one reason: my mood is at its best all year and I'm going to end this year on a high note. I'm so grateful for that, you have no idea. This year was very tough, very long, and exceedingly taxing. I'm almost afraid to do my yearly review of it all and I'm embarrassed to go home and face the family. I didn't accomplish much of anything this year (well, it feels like that... but maybe it's because the things I did accomplish are not necessarily easy tangible things that fit the standard boxes of success). When someone asks "so what were you up to all year long", and I have the option of launching into my debilitating depression, my failures in school, my begging to get back in, and a summer romance that went horribly wrong... well that's not exactly the kind of thing you want to hear about around the eggnog and underneath the mistletoe. Guess it'll be a grin and bear it kind of year. That's okay. I sense shiny goodness just beyond the horizon and through next year. It's coming quickly now. I'm so ready for it and I so deserve it.